using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
