im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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