what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
