Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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