No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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