Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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