Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
