peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
