God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
