like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
