He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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