I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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