I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
