Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
