absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
