we're blogging at a bar
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
