and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
