P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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