So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
