Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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