I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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