we're chasing vodka with high fives
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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