woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
