Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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