yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
