i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I want is dick and wine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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