does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
