Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
