College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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