i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
