Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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