I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
