Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
