remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
