Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
