i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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