We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
