I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
