i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
operation have a gay friend backfired
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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