allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
