this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
