Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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