I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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