Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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