If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
