My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
