Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
