I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize