I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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