Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What a dumb baby whore.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
