I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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