I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
