Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
