im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize