I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
