don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
