put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize