I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
