oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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