So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize