It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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