yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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