dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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