Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
