Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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