fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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