he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
