I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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