omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
